John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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