You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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