I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Someone signed my nipple.
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