I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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