sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
