I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
