This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am mentally ready for anal.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
