i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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