Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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