I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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