I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
