Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
