Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
