I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
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I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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