covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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