Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
