I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
