glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
