Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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