I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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