I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
