I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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