Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
