I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
