I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
