I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
