There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
