Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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