im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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