i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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