i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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