Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
