I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
