she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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