i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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