You made me cry and you don't even care
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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