omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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