So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
