She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.