i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?