The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.