I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
