"it" just moved
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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