There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
