mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
