I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
