I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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