Already got asked if we're dating
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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