I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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