i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had sex on a roof
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
