Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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