doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
