looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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