his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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Edward fifth and chaser hands
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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