She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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