i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
