peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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