Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
