his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Holy shit dude........stairs
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