please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
