Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
