need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
