Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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