I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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