you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
