just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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