You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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