party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
