Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
