Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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