so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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