We're facebook friends in real life
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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