No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
